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New
Year’s Resolutions for Internet Junkies
1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail
addresses.
2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife.
3. I resolve to work with neglected children—my own.
4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm
with which I answer my e-mail.
5. I resolve to back up my 10GB hard drive daily...well,
once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe...
6. I will spend less than one hour a day on the
Internet.
7. When I hear "Where do you want to go
today?" I won’t reply "MS Tech
Support."
8. I will read the manual.
9. I will think of a password other than
"password."
10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the
morning.
11. If I move to a new home, I'd landscape before I
Netscape.
11. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I
resolve to,
uh, get my, err... I resolve to, uh, get my, err,
off-line work
done, too!
Easy
To Keep New Year Resolutions
1.
I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
7. Quit giving money & time to charity.
8. Start being superstitious.
9. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud
stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for
the dash.
10. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a
chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with
those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
11. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
12. Not eat cloned meat.
13. Create loose ends.
14. Get more toys.
15. Get further in debt.
16. Not believe politicians.
17. Break at least one traffic law.
18. Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
19. Stay off the MIR space station.
20. Not swim with piranhas or sharks.
21. Associate with even worse business clients.
22. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep
track of them.
23. Wait around for opportunity.
24. Focus on the faults of others.
25. Mope about my faults.
26. Never make any more new year resolution.
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